Twitter Understood

For those of us who have used Twitter on occasion, but aren't quite sure when or why to use it, and CERTAINLY can't explain to anybody else what the point of it is, Dan Kennedy at McSweeny's lets us in on his Groundbreaking Marketing Research:

Twitter seems to be, first and foremost, an online haven where teenagers making drugs can telegraph secret code words to arrange gang fights and orgies. It also functions as a vehicle for teasing peers until they commit suicide. In order to become a "follower" on Twitter, teens first must flash their high-beam headlights at an oncoming motorist on the highway. Then, if that motorist flashes his or her high-beam headlights back in reply, the teen must kill the motorist in order to be initiated into "following" the online gang.